The First Time Byakuya Tried Beer!
by fireheaven2
Summary: Everyone Byakuya knows in Soul Society thinks he needs to get out more, so they arrange a trip to the real world. But no one could even fathom what was about to happen... FINISHED! sequel: Bad Role Model
1. the kidnapping

**disclaimer: i dont own bleach or any of its characters.. copyright Tite Kubo**

The First Time Byakuya Tried Beer!

by: me!

"Renji, where are you taking Nii-sama?!" questioned a very startled Rukia as Renji, Kira, Hitsugaya, Ikkaku and many other peoples dragged a reluctant and struggling Byakuya outside. Matsumoto giggled in delight as Byakuya finally gave up and let them strip him of his sword.

Renji smiled and waggled an eyebrow as if to act mysterious. "He needs some fun in his dull life so we've planned ...a little trip, so to speak." He gave a little wave to Rukia who just rolled her eyes. _Nii-sama does need to get out more..._

"So.. where are you dragging me?" asked Byakuya calmly as his companions snickered and randomly broke out in hysterical laughter around him. His question needed not to be answered, though, because the Senkai Gate soon came into view with a large pile of gigais. Every persons' gigai was dressed differently; Byakuya's in a sparkly purple sequined top and polyester white pants; Renji's in a one piece sky diver's outfit; Hitsugaya's in a green and red stripped dress[it sort of resembled one of santa's elves XD; and Matsumoto's looked like what Britney Spears wore in her "Hit Me Baby One More Time" music video. Byakuya raised an eyebrow to the ridiculous outfits and Hitsugaya grimaced as he picked up his gigai. "Trust me.. I was out-voted in what we were doing," he offered, as if to make this scene better.

Everyone got suited up and lined up in front of the gate. The doors slowly slid apart and Byakuya was forcefully shoved in by a smirking Renji. "We shouldn't force him to do these things..." muttered Kira, sporting his usual depressed look. But he was just ignored as everyone poured in, ready to have some fun.

**A/N: ok well ill write more eventually but otherwise do u like it so far?? if so review me[cause im not gonna continue it if no one likes it XD**


	2. arriving at the club

If everyone was listening really hard, they would have heard a series of "Yeah!"s and "Woohoo!"s coming from Urahara's shop. The large group soon took up the whole space around Urahara as he casually sipped his cup of tea, like multiple Shinigami randomly appear through doors made out of thin air every day.

"What brings you here today?" Urahara commented, still casually sitting. "Ahh.. may I suggest The Rave? I hear the music quality is wonderful!" he added, taking in the ridiculous outfits. "Oo, that sounds cool! But we already set our sights upon The Mob for tonight!" politely answered Matsumoto, who was mentally noting The Rave for future clubbing. Byakuya's eyes widened in shock as he finally figured out what they were planning to do with them. _Clubbing? What a ridiculous way to spend one's time! There's paper work to be done.. and Senbonzakura's cherry blossoms are starting to get dull.._ Byakuya's mental rant continued on as Ikkaku and Yumichika [yea he came too grabbed his arms and dragged him out to the multiple taxies Urahara had pulled up for them.

In the end the group only ended up taking 6 taxies, and soon they pulled up to the strobe light infested, music blaring, The Mob. Already groups of late-night partiers entered, each chatting excitedly and there was a feeling of mutual anticipation in the air. All of the people also had outfits on and there was a sign hung above the entrance that read, "Costume Night! The person with the most outrageos outfit wins a prize!"

"Lets gooooo!" laughed Matsumoto and jumped out of the taxi and into the line that was waiting to be IDed by the bouncer. As she stood in line and waited for the rest of the group guys of all ages ogled in her chest and the fact that her Britney Spears shirt was dangerously lowcut. One of them even had the guts to walk up to her, but his braveness was only rewarded with a punch in the face. The shinigami in disguise all walked over to the line and stood next to Matsumoto, even a reluctant Byakuya who was tugging at his collar.

A bright red mustang then pulled up and out stepped a orange-haired teenager.

"Wha-what are **you** doing here?" sputtered Byakuya. Ichigo just grinned as he made his way over.

"Renji invited me. Besides, I wouldn't miss this for the world!" he smirked, looking at Byakuya's outfit. Ichigo was only dressed in khaki's and a t-shirt and if he was asked where his costume was, he would only reply, "I gave up Halloween years ago."

Each of the group flashed their ID's when they approached the bouncer, Ichigo having a fake one, of course, and walked into the club.

_This is gonna be a looong night, _ grimaced Byakuya, as he was pulled into the mob of dancing bodies.

**woo i wrote more! this one is more description than dialouge, and i know that my chapters are short.**

**i like to take it in small chunks : enjoy and more to come later!**


	3. intro to beer

**ok all you adoring fans, i shall satisfy your urge to know more with a new chapter!**

**lol :) enjoy!**

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Byakuya shuddered. He was surrounded by all these, these, _sweaty_ people and it was grossing him out. Whenever some of the wet skin would touch his own he would involuntarily jump, cause him to rub onto more sweaty people. Byakuya scanned the room, wishing he had Senbonzakura so he could "persuade" some of his friends to take him home.

_Well, there's _Ichigo_ but I'd rather take a ride home from Gin first.. aha! There's Renji!_ Byakuya spotted the familiar red pony-tail bobbing to the beat of the music. He grimaced and pushed his way through the mob to where Renji was chatting with Ikkaku and Yumichika at the bar. Once over there, Byakuya could easily spot Hitsugaya looking annoyed while Matsumoto was chatting his ear off, and Kira looking around uncomfortably on a barstool, his eyes darting from one place to another. Ichigo was talking to a brunette off to the side, but soon he finished and began to walk over.

"Hey! Mr. Emotionless! Hows it goin'?"

"That is Byakuya-taichou to you."

"C'mon, _Bya-kun_ don't be so cruel!"

Byakuya showed no annoyance to his carrot-top enemy, instead he just kept his face emotionless (and you wonder where Ichigo got the nickname from?) and ignored the pesky teen. "When can we leave this monstrosity of a place?" Byakuya asked in a cool and collected monotone. But on the inside, he was practically begging them to let him get outta this place.

"Aww, we just got here! Here, have yourself a drink," Renji slapped Byakuya on the back, obviously after having a few drinks of his own because normally he wouldn't even dare to make such a friendly move, and handed Byakuya a red plastic cup with foamy liquid inside. Byakuya eyed warily and hesitated, but soom brought the cup up to his lips.

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**and thats where we stop! (yes i know its a total cliffhanger)**

**... and here's a poll for all of y'all.**

_**What should Byakuya's reaction be towards the beer?**_

**a) have no affect on him what so ever, even after seven bazillion cups**

**b) get carried away and challenge someone to a drinking contest (ooh the possibilities!)**

**c) take a sip, then realize its disgusting and spit it out all over Renji along with the rest of the cup**

**d) something else that you think of and i cant...**

**stay tuned! (wow i feel like a TV show! lol)**


	4. after a few cups or five

**yay! now all of you adoring fans can read more about byakuya's first, and unforgettable, drink!**

**so start reading! go!! NOW:) lol**

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The taste was not what Byakuya expected. It started of tangy, then it turned sweet. It was unlike anything he had ever drank before, and he craved more. That thought scared him.

Pshh! Byakuya spat out the addicting alcohol all over an amused Renji, who sobered up real quick. "Ta-Taichou! What'd the hell you do that for?!" sputtered out a pissed off Renji. He grabbed some napkins from the bar and wiped his face off, but his clothes were hopeless. He muttered a string of words I dare not repeat in case of getting calls from angry readers, then stomped off to the bathroom to see if his night, and outfit, could still be salvaged.

Byakuya scanned the area to make sure no one was watching, then took another sip from the half-full (or half-empty, depending how you look at it) cup he still held in his hand. Ahh, beer made Byakuya happier than a little kid on Christmas. But little did he know that a certain someone was the bartender, and he had something instore for Byakuya.

_Just a little more to drink, Byakuya, then you shall be mine.._ thought the bartender evily, smirking to himself.

---

Buurp! Byakuya slammed down cup #5 onto the table. He manuvered over to the dance floor, the edges of his vision slightly blurred, but not enough to cause him trouble. So far everyone besides Hitsugaya and Kira (they were the designated drivers) had drank plenty of alcohol and was starting to get quite loopy.

"Byaaaaa-kuuun!" shouted a sweaty Matsumoto who had just finished dancing with some star-struck simpleton. "Is this some party or what?" Before hearing his response she sashayed over to another unsuspecting man. On the way though, she stumbled, showing that she was a little bit tipsy.

Ikkaku, who was also quite sober (he may have had a cup or two) stormed by, grumbling while pulling a waving Yumichika away from a group of teenagers who thought he was simply "so hott".

"Aww, my friend's being a party pooper but I'd simple looove to get together sometime!" cooed Yumichika. The girls all swooned and feigned tears as their best friend was being dragged away. But then there was a break in the music and people stood around, confused.

The lights dimmed, and a disco ball appeared from the ceiling.

"Allllright fellow partiers! We now have the winner of the costume contest!" A drumroll began and people began to whipser nervously to one another. A huge spotlight appeared in the center for added affect.

"And the winner is...Kuchiki Byakuya as a disco-er!" The spotlight made its way over to where Byakuya stood and he began to smile and wave at the cheering crowd (now you can definitly tell he's had a lot to drink!). Funkytown then started to play, and Byakuya answered his cheering fans with some "disco moves".

"OOooWEE OOooWEE!" Byakuya yelled out, the crowd repeating afterwards.

---

"Wow, Bya, I shall never look at you burp the same way again," commented a stunned, yet amazed, Ichigo. The Shinigami gang was grouped around Byakuya at the bar, all congratuating him on his spectacular performance. But as more and more compliments came, the bartender started to get angrier and angrier.

"...and that's how I learned to disco!" finished Byakuya. The gang broke out into roaring laughter, some even wiping tears away from their eyes. The bartender couldn't take it any longer.

"You think you're so great, huh, Byakuya? Well, I challenge you to a **drinking contest**!" yelled the bartender, who had whirled around to face Byakuya and now pointed an accusing finger at his face.

Byakuya gasped.

"...Grimmjow?"

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**woo don't you just LOVE cliffhangers?**

**haha jk. but don't worry, I'll get the new chapter up before the end of tomorrow, that's for sure.**

**and grimmjow just seemed like the type of person to challenge Byakuya, no, anyone, to a drinking contest :)**

**keep on a lookout for the next chapter!**


	5. the contest

**yay i have kept my promise and i am now posting a a new chapter before the end of tomorrow-er, today!**

**now read on about the exciting, shocking, and hilarious events about to unfold in drumroll CHAPTER 5!**

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Byakuya stared at the familiar blue haired arrancar, his jaw dropped down in shock. Ichigo took his fighting stance and grabbed his shinigami representative badge, ready to jam it against his chest if needed. Grimmjow held up both of his hands like he was saying "I surrender!"

"Hold up, hold up, I ain't here askin' for a fight? You see my hollow mask on me?" He turned his head both ways to show he was clean. "I'm in a gigai just like you, so I can't hurt ya now. Well, unless I just used brute force but it'll be weaker than normal."

"Teh," Ichigo spat; he didn't believe it for a second even in his drunken state. Byakuya just stared, still getting over the fact that Grimmjow was here.

"What do you want with me?" Byakuya wondered, his eyes bloodshot.

Grimmjow stood up tall and jutted his chin out. "What I said before; I challenge you to a drinking contest! Do you accept, or are you a **pansy**?"

Byakuya stood up abruptly, making Grimmjow flinch. "No one, _no one_, calls Kuchiki Byakuya a pansy! I accept your challenge!" he hollered, his mouth set in a grim line and his hands clutching the table. Everyone chanted "Byakuya! Byakuya!" as people gathered around two tables that had just been pushed together. Byakuya sat down on one side, Grimmjow on the other.

"Here's the rules: whoever can drink the most without collasping in defeat wins. We go one beer at a time. Got it?" Grimmjow smirked, Byakuya had at least drank 7 or 8 cups beforehand and Grimmjow hadn't even touched one. _I am soo gonna win!_

Somewhere in the club, and unnoticed clock announced 2:00 AM.

---

Matsumoto was declared judge (with an anonymous vote from the onlookers) and she slammed down two shot cups of an unidentifyed liquid on the table, causing some to slosh out.

"First round, tequila & pepsi shots!" The determined and competitive men drowned the glasses before Matsumoto could even say go, each not even batting an eye.

"Second round, margaritas!" The men chugged, their defiancy towards each other driving them through the cold ice chunks and sweet taste.

"Third round, vodka!"

"Fourth round, champagne!"

The clock read 3:00 AM, and about 150 drinks had been served to Byakuya and Grimmjow. Byakuya's body was slumped and sunken in and he couldn't even be able to tell you where his nose was if you asked him. Grimmjow's head rested against the table and his eyes were drooping. The onlookers had decreased drastically by number, they had either got bored and went somewhere else or left. Matsumoto had fallen asleep in a nearby chair, Renji was passed out on the floor, Hitsugaya and Kira were chatting friendly at the bar. Yumichika was surrounded by the group of girls again, and Ichigo had mysteriously disappeared with the brunette girl he was talking with earlier (in chapter 3), so Ikkaku had taken over judge.

"Alright, since this is taking forever and I wanna go home, we have our last round!" The partiers' ears perked up and they ambled over, wondering who the winner was going to be.

"For the final round, whoever finishes these first wins!" Ikkaku removed two table cloths to reveal two giant barrels, filled to the brim with Budwieser. Byakuya and Grimmjow sat up, each giving Ikkaku an "are you crazy?" look.

"There is no time limit. On your marks, get set, GO!" Byakuya stumbled over to the barrel and grabbed a mug and began to scoop out large portions which he would dump into his mouth. Grimmjow slithered to the floor and crawled over, and layed with his back to the floor while he began to chug it out of the nozzle located at the bottem of the barrel, taking breaks after every mouthfull.

Now, it was just a matter of who finished first...

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**Ta-da! I still don't know who I want the winner to be. Byakuya's amazing, but Grimmjow seems more like the guy to win a drinking contest.**

**ahhh the choices...**

**and since our country is a democracy I have decided to put the will of the people into account!**

_**Who do you want to win?**_

**a) byakuya cause he's amazing and pwns ALL!**

**b) grimmjow cause HE'S amazing and should win!**

**next chapter coming soon!**


	6. unexpected visitor

**thanks everyone for waiting for the next chapter! these days have been hectic with relatives, presents, and me just living my life XD.**

**But now, I give you chapter 6! (applause)**

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The barrels' contents were slowly decreasing, and the onlookers held in their breaths. Byakuya seemed to be ahead, but his movements were slowing and becoming clumsy, while Grimmjow kept up his pace; a steady rate of one mouthful every five seconds. You could cut the tension with a knife; it was so silent (except for the occasional slurping sound) that you could hear a pin drop; and a series of other sayings could describe this moment.

It was the moment of truth. Who would be declared victor? Who was the beer champion? Only time would tell.

Seconds ticked by, suspense building. Grimmjow had taken the lead, but his rate had decreased to one mouthful every ten seconds. Byakuya vaguely noticed this, and increased his movements to take advantage of this opportunity.

"Ahh, screw it!" Grimmjow leapt up, and dunk his whole head into the barrel, sucking down the remaining liquid rapidly. Byakuya squinted over and saw that unless he changed his tactics, he would lose. And boy, he would never hear the end if it at Soul Society if he did.

_Splosh! _Byakuya dunked his head in too, his hair in wet strands sticking to his face and neck. Everyone seemed to lean foward, impatiently awaiting the results. But then, everything froze. The only sound was that of a ticking clock, filling the stopped void with rhythmic ticks.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Peoples' eyes darted around, and Grimmjow and Byakuya fought the feeling of being frozen. They were too caught up in the competition, the wanted to keep going.

"Grimmjow." A steely yet amused voice filled the silence, along with footsteps crossing the worn floor to where the man he was looking for stood, his head stuck in a barrel. "You naughty boy, leaving Las Noches without even telling me. Are we that boring?" The footsteps kept a steady rhythm, matching the clock's incessant ticking.

Byakuya was hit with realization. His eyes widened, and he begged his muscles to move.

_Aizen! _He had used his crushing reiatsu to stop all movement, which explained the feeling of helplessness, along with the feeling of a greater presence. His face held the usual cocky smile, and that one strand of hair still dangled over his forehead. Gin suddenly appeared, leaning against the bar with one foot propped up. His creepy smile was in full blast, and you could tell he was dying to break out into laughter.

"Byakuya! I'm shocked to see you... in this state," commented Gin, wishing he had a camera to scrapbook this once in a lifetime chance. "Ah.. cat got your tongue?" he added, when Byakuya wasn't able to reclaim his pride, or spit out something as insulting towards Gin.

Byakuya silently fumed. Aizen's reiatsu would never effect him this way, but in his drunken state he was vunerable to even Hanataro's reiatsu. And that was pretty pathetic.

"I'd love to stay and chat, but, I have to head back to Las Noches. Gin, grab Grimmjow. We're leaving." Gin walked over and threw Grimmjow, whose face was bright red with embarressment and fury, over his shoulder. A rift appeared out of thin air; a giant gaping hole of blackness and despair.

"Bye bye!" called Gin over his shoulder as they entered, and then the portal closed behind them. Byakuya groggily pulled his head out of the barrel. He looked like hell; his eyes were bloodshot and his hair was plastered around his face. "Does this mean I win?" and before he could hear the answer, he passed out onto the floor.

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**ok well i lied. i said i was going to make this a long chapter, but this seems to be a good length and nobody was really complaining before.**

**besides, i wanted to get this up.**

**there's only going to be 2 chapters after this one, so enjoy!**


	7. hangover

**-sniffle- only one more chappie left after this one! theres not too much i have left to write at this point, but enjoy the story anyways!**

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Byakuya finally came to after a long and peaceful unconscience sleep where his body began to revive itself. When he tried to open his eyes, the bright light of mid-afternoon sun burned them with the intesity of a thousand suns. His head felt like it was being pierced with daggers, and his throat felt as dry as sandpaper. He gave out a small groan of pain and suffering.

This was a typical hangover, but he didn't know that yet.

"Ahh.. so the sleeping beauty awakens." Byakuya cracked an eye and saw Renji looking up at him from a book he had been reading. Byakuya scoped the room; they were in a bedroom in some foreign house. Renji noticed his confusion. "We're still in the real world, in case you're wonderin'; we;re in Urahara's shop."

Ikkaku and Yumichika walked in, their clothes rumpled which showed they had just awoken. "Where's the others?" mumbled Ikkaku.

"Hitsugaya and Kira went back to Soul Society this morning, Ichigo went to his house, and Matsumoto is still passed out somewhere."

"Ah."

"Yeah. As soon as Byakuya-taicho here can walk we should all head back too."

"Mhm. No more time for fun."

Renji helped Byakuya clumsily climb to his feet and guided him towards the main room where the scent of fresh coffee and french toast filled the air. He left Byakya's side though, and scampered over to the plate of hot delights sitting into the middle of the table. Byakuya wobbled, but managed to walk over to the table and sat down inbetween Renji and Ikkaku heavily.

"Let's make an agreement. No one, _no one_, shall know what happened last night. Are we clear?" Byakuya stared menacingly and the three unsuspecting Shinigami, who began to sweat under his deathening glare.

"Ye-yes, Kuchiki-taicho." Renji even saluted automatically, but then lowered his hand embarressly. They ate breakfast wordlessly, sad goodbye to Urahara, then prepared the gate. The doors appeared out of thin air as usual, and they group entered. There party experience was over, and left to rest in their memories forever.

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**okay, it may seem like this is the ending BUT ITS NOT! lol it is only the ending to this chapter;; the next chapter is gonna be the epilouge! -ooo- lol enjoy, and sorry for the long wait for a small chapter!**


	8. epilogue

**sniffle here's the last chapter. All good things must come to an end eventually. Thank's for sticking around and finding out what happened!**

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A year had passed since Byakuya's crazy party scene. He had, for the most part, forgotten the experience; the occasional nightmare retelling the story in his slumber. It was another ordinary day for him. Byakuya sat in his office with his back erect, facing the sky high stack of paper work aligned in the center of his recently polished and shined oakwood desk. His ebony eyes stared emotionlessly down, and he picked up the pure white quill pen and began to work.

"Taicho! Taicho!" Renji burst through the doors, his eyes frantic and pleading. Byakuya stared back in alarm. "What's the matter? Can't you see I am busy?" His eyes narrowed, displeased at his lieutanent's interruption.

"It's an emergency! You are needed at Hitsugaya-taicho's _immediantly!_" Byakuya understood the urgency of this situation, and stood up abruptly. "Let's go."

Renji raced down the hall, looking back every now and then to make sure his captain was following. Byakuya walked briskly, his midnight hair flowing behind him. His white captain's robe swished against the wood planks of the hallway. But what he could not see, was Renji secretly smiling as they neared Hitsugaya's.

The entrance came into view and Renji kicked at the ground three times. A rustle was heard inside, but Byakuya did not notice. Renji sidestepped, allowing Byakuya to enter first. He turned and placed a pale hand on the door delicately, his ring glinting in the early morning sun, and pushed the sliding door aside.

It was dark inside.

"Hitsugaya? You requested me?" Byakuya stepped uncertainly into the seemingly abandoned room. All of a sudden the lights flicked on and a group of 10 or so Shinigami jumped out of hiding.

"Surprise!" Confetti rained down, and a banner hung down from the ceiling. _Happy Beer-iversery!_ Byakuya stood around, baffled. "Wha-what is the meaning of this?" Renji slapped him on the back, causing an icy stare from Byakuya, which he casually ignored. "C'mon taicho, don't ya remember? A year ago today is when we took that trip to the real world!" he raised his eyebrows, searching Byakuya's face for a hint of recognition.

Rememberance, regret, and reluctance flared up in Byakuya's eyes, and he straightened his posture. "It is pointless to hold such a celebration for something so meaningless that happened in the past."

Renji just smiled. "Sure... whatever you say." Everyone that attended the trip was there: Kira, Ikkaku, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Yumichika, heck, even Ichigo was invited up. Cherry blossoms were scattered around the floor (but not deadly ones, so don't worry) and beer and punch were being served at a table that was pushed against the wall. People were chatting, digging up memories that most had forgotten until now. Byakuya wanted to say something, _anything_ about his disapproval, but decided against it.

He would let them have their fun- for now.

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**It's finally over... but wait! I -might- write a sequel! I mean, once you try it you might as well try it again (hint hint). I just need to collect my thoughts, think of a good idea that's about Byakuya and beer, and wa-la! A sequel!**

**So stay tuned... you never know! **

**-thanks for reading, and thank you to all the people that have ever reviewed me!**


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